Dear Ghee Buttersnaps,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your pet was severely damaged by my woefully puerile prank. How could I have known that the Zamboni I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your 1/16 sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with light bulb in the torch, you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to pay for, and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond, but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing around at the bowling alley, and to remember that I am first and foremost your only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant. I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that you would have done, if you had thought of it first.
Sincerely,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your pet was severely damaged by my woefully puerile prank. How could I have known that the Zamboni I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your 1/16 sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with light bulb in the torch, you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to pay for, and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond, but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had, joshing around at the bowling alley, and to remember that I am first and foremost your only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant. I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that you would have done, if you had thought of it first.
Sincerely,
Methuselah Honeysuckle
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